I would like to think that I genuinely understand what networking is about. I perhaps might be a bit deluded but I don’t think so. To me exchanging business cards and meeting someone at some event or business social is NOT at all how I would describe what networking is. I mean, you can probably get some business that way, but I promise you, you will get far less business by simply exchanging cards and just in that moment exploring how you both can “help” each other. Networking, like anything you do in life, is about what you do with it – what you do with those new relationships AFTER you meet them. Here are 3.5 steps or pieces of advice I will submit to you that you might want to incorporate into your present networking follow up habits – if you are not doing them already…

1. Understand Your New Acquaintance’s Business and Role – Networking is about really understanding what people do. So be sure when you do meet someone, especially if it is someone you would love to at least have the opportunity to earn their business from, that you ask critical questions about them and their business. Let’s face facts… everybody wants something. I don’t care if you are Warren Buffet or just a simple person who chooses to sweep floors and clean bathrooms – everybody wants something. Sometimes all you have to do is just ask! So when you are out networking and you have the great fortune of bumping into someone you have been wanting to meet for quite sometime… ask questions! Ask thought provoking questions like, “If there was one thing you would love to have right at this moment (occupationally speaking of course) what would it be? Could it be a person you’d like to be introduced to? What personal goal you have been working on and love to attain? Where do you see yourself 2, 5, 7 years from now? How do you think that will honestly be accomplished? What do you love most about what you do?” What type of businesses and people are you seeking to create relationships with? Who do you sell to and why?

2. Get Personal – Now that you are beginning to genuinely understand what their business does, how it works, what their role is and some of the things they would like to have happen, a good idea is to try to steer the conversation if you can in a personal direction so that you begin to truly understand the PERSON! What are his or her likes, dislikes, hobbies? Does he or she have other personal passions? How does she like to spend her free time. Uncovering and filing away all this personal information is essential to both developing this relationship further and also impacting this new person’s life. I will explain what I mean by “impacting” their life in a story of one of my personal sales victories below.

3. Continually And Creatively Stay In Touch – With the advent of email, tweeting, updating statuses on both Facebook, LinkedIn and a myriad of other social networking sites, there are so many ways to both stay in touch with your new acquaintance; and as well continually learn more about them.

Now for the REAL networking and fulfilling part…

3.5 Assert Positive Influence! If you take action and assert positive influences on your new acquaintance’s life, you will find that the business or referrals you have been seeking or hoping to receive from them will easily and freely come your way. It is in this phase of the networking process where you use all that information you gathered on this person and DO SOMETHING for them! Don’t wait for them to do something for you first. And whatever you do, don’t wait for them to give you business solely because you are a great guy or gal and your company is so differentiated and special. Again, put all that great listening (from all those direct and thoughtful questions) to use and now deliver something (take action). Connect them to someone they want to meet, a person that can help them with a particular problem, send them an article that speaks to solving their particular issue, or just send a thoughtful gift or creative gesture that poignantly shows that you were listening and CARE. Whatever it is, do the work necessary to help them. Positive influences can be small gestures over a long period of time or one giant one – like handing over a huge opportunity on a silver platter. Either way, the point is that you are taking action to assist/help another.

And to prove to you that this all really works, here is a Real Life example of what networking can do if you do it right…

At one point in my career, for the last employer I ever had, I was targeting the company 7-Eleven for architecture and engineering work. In the northeast, which is where I am from, 7-Eleven dominates the convenience store market and they had an aggressive building program at the time. I made it my business to find out who was the decision maker within 7-Eleven corporate on retaining such services. Once I found out who that person was (Ken), I also learned that he was a registered to attend an upcoming trade convention. In fact, 7-Eleven had a booth and Ken as I learned would be manning it. Wow! Just the opportunity I needed to meet and really try to get to know him!
So as you would guess, we did indeed meet and I proceeded to ask Ken some of the many critical questions (listed above) both at his booth and afterwards at a party following the event. <>

Now armed with all this information and following the conference, I began my campaign of telephone calls, emails, following on Twitter, in Facebook and on LinkedIn. Along the way, besides the development and advancement of our growing relationship, I began to understand that Ken’s health had been failing. He unfortunately was a rather unbalanced workaholic. Well, one day when I called to check in, I found out that Ken had been hospitalized. Well, since Ken wasn’t what I would consider a friend (and certainly not yet a client), my first reaction was to wait as I am sure he might be bombarded by his family and friends in support. However, after much thought, I figured what the heck, a thoughtful, kind gesture is a thoughtful, kind gesture. So what did I do you ask. Well, I sent Ken a dozen roses! Yep, pretty ballsy – especially since they were from a guy to a guy. Despite that, I sent them anyway with a little note. And, in the note were just two sentences, “Ken, never forget to smell the flowers along the way. Get well soon!”

About two weeks later the phone at my desk rang. It was Ken from 7Eleven. He thanked me for the flowers and said “Andrew, I am giving you some stores to build for me and try your firm out.”

Now, many years later and both of us working for different company’s (Ken a different retailer and me, my own consulting business) I am proud to say that Ken and I still talk and stay in touch.

So again…Thank you Ken, and I am so pleased you are now (and STILL) smelling ALL those flowers each and every day!

Is there a secret to follow-up? No.
Is there a best way to follow-up? No.
Why do people quit too soon? Big question.
Why do you quit too soon? Bigger question.
Have you ever read Think and Grow Rich? Biggest question.

Reason? Think and Grow Rich (written by Napoleon Hill 70 years ago) has an entire chapter on persistence that provides real insight as to the characteristics of what makes some stick at it until they win, while others stop either just after they start, or stop just before they are about to taste victory.

Rather than be so presumptuous as to paraphrase the great Napoleon Hill, I am going to give you the EXACT words of the master.

Here are some excerpts (and insights) on persistence quoted exactly as they were written seven decades ago that are still applicable to your sales process today.

Persistence is a state of mind, therefore it can be cultivated. Like all states of mind, persistence is based upon definite causes, among them these:
a. Definiteness of purpose. Knowing what one wants is the first and, perhaps, the most important step toward the development of persistence. A strong motive forces one to surmount many difficulties.
b. Desire. It is comparatively easy to acquire and to maintain persistence in pursuing the object of intense desire.
c. Self-reliance. Belief in one’s ability to carry out a plan encourages one to follow the plan through with persistence. (Self-reliance can be developed through the principle described in the chapter on autosuggestion).
d. Definiteness of plans. Organized plans, even though they may be weak and entirely impractical, encourage persistence.
e. Accurate knowledge. Knowing that one’s plans are sound, based upon experience or observation, encourages persistence; “guessing” instead of “knowing” destroys persistence.
f. Cooperation. Sympathy, understanding, and harmonious cooperation with others tend to develop persistence.
g. Will-power. The habit of concentrating one’s thoughts upon the building of plans for the attainment of a definiteness of purpose leads to persistence.
h. Habit. Persistence is the direct result of habit. The mind absorbs and becomes a part of the daily experience upon which it feeds. Fear, the worst of all enemies, can be effectively cured by forced repetition of acts of courage. Everyone who has seen active service in war knows this.

How to Develop Persistence.
There are four simple steps which lead to the habit of persistence. They call for no great amount of intelligence, no particular amount of education, and but little time or effort. The necessary steps are:
1. A definite purpose backed by burning desire for its fulfillment.
2. A definite plan, expressed in continuous action.
3. A mind closed tightly against all negative and discouraging influences, including negative suggestions of relatives, friends and acquaintances.
4. A friendly alliance with one or more persons who will encourage one to follow through with both plan and purpose.

These four steps are essential for success in all walks of life. The entire purpose of the principles of the (Think and Grow Rich) philosophy is to enable one to take these four steps as a matter of habit.

Now I will grant you that some people will have read this and spit the word “Hokey” at the end. Reason? It’s too simple and does not have an immediate “how to” answer attached to it.

The secret of persistence is not an “answer,” it’s a “realization.” And if you read the above and didn’t “get it.” You will get beat by someone who did.

The Napoleon Hill philosophy of persistence is strong, yet soft. The only omission from the strategy is that it leaves out “what” to persist with. Let me give you that answer in a word — value. Something more than you calling to imply, “I’m calling about the money, is it ready yet? Can I come over and pick it up now?”

Want a few value ideas? Here are four. You may not like them. They require work.

Get your prospect a sales lead. Give your prospect an idea how to serve his customers better. Give your prospect ten things he can do to improve his morale, productivity, absenteeism, or profit. Get your prospect some free publicity or media exposure.

Get the idea? See the work? Now look past the work to the victory. If you can see clear to victory, then the secret of persistence is at last yours. And add to that the final wisdom of Hill: What you need to develop persistence is will-power and desire. In other words, how bad do you want it? And how far are you willing to go to get it? Unless the answer is all the way, you will not persist, you will give up.

So please, don’t give up. Do what my dear father did for me when I was 17…purchase and read the book by Napoleon Hill, Think And Grow Rich. His words and principles are timeless and true. Never, never, ever give up!

Thank you Dad for giving me this book (with your heartfelt letter folded inside it) when I was 17! I will NEVER forget your unwavering love and faith in me as a person. I will carry that love and faith you had in me forever. And thank you my dear Rose for showing me (by example) and sharing your life with me and what persistence and faith really means. I love and appreciate you both more than you could even know.

A good friend gave me a book about building your business through referrals. The author believes, “The best marketing strategy is to be referable.” He is correct. He writes, “Referability means that your very best clients and customers are continually cloning themselves — continually introducing you to those like themselves or better than themselves.”

According to the author, your referability depends upon four habits:

1. Show up on time.
2. Do what you say.
3. Finish what you start.
4. Say please and thank you.

Could being referable be that simple? The author asserts that these four habits convey respect and appreciation toward the customer. He says, if you’re arrogant or erratic, you won’t be referred, no matter how talented or charming you are. He says if you’re not getting enough referrals, cultivate the four habits. He is partially right. Very partially.

I say his four elements don’t create referability – his four elements are a GIVEN in any business relationship. To be referable, you have to go WAY BEYOND showing up on time and delivering what you promise.

Those habits may have worked in 1955, when “Happy Days” was in full swing, but becoming referable and earning referrals in today’s times (unhappy days) are far more complex.

In my experience, I have found that a referral is earned, not asked for. When you ask for one, you immediately put your relationship in an awkward position, especially if the customer is reluctant to give you one, and you keep pestering him or her.

Here’s why: The one word definition of referral is risk.

When someone gives you a referral, it means they are willing to risk their relationship with the referred person or company. They have enough trust and faith in you to perform in an exemplary manner, and not jeopardize their existing friendship or business relationship.

Once you understand the definition of a referral and realize how delicate, yet powerful, it is — you at once realize why you get them (or not) — and that you must become risk free in order to earn them.

Referrals are awkward to “ask for,” and often create discomfort on the part of the customer.

Here are the elements that breed proactive referrals:

1. Be likeable. This is the first prerequisite. Without a friendly relationship, there is no need to go further.

2. Be reliable. The company, the product, the service, AND you, must be “best,” and “there when needed.”

3. The customer considers you an expert in your field. To be referable, you must have an expertise that breeds customer confidence.

4. They trust you. The customer is CERTAIN that you will do everything in the referred party’s best interest, like you have with theirs.

5. You have a track record of performance. You have already done the same thing with the customer and they’re comfortable that you can repeat the performance.

5.5 They consider you valuable – a resource, not a salesman. Not just, “do what you say.” There’s no real value there. I mean, provide value to the customer beyond your product and service. Helping the customer to profit more, produce more, or some other form of value, either attached to your product or not. Not value in terms of you, value in terms of the customer.

And there are telltale signs — clues that you “qualify” for a referral:

REFERRAL CLUE: Your phone calls are returned. This means there was a purpose, a value, or a friendship reason. Returned calls connote respect for who you are.

REFERRAL CLUE: You get reorders. This means they WANT to do business with you, and they LIKE to do business with you.

REFERRAL CLUE: There are no problems with service issues. Your interactions are smooth and your execution is flawless.

REFERRAL CLUE: They accept your lunch invitation. And the conversation is more personal than business.

Here’s the secret: If the one word definition or referral is “risk,” then you must be risk free – or at least risk tolerable.

Here’s the strategy that will work 100% of the time: Give your customer a referral FIRST. It will not only blow them away, they will become an advocate on your referral team.

Here’s the report card: The referral you got turned into a sale.